When Leadership Starts to Feel “Off”: What It’s Really Telling You

Do you ever feel like you’re doing all the right things as a leader, but something still feels… off?

You’re showing up, hitting targets (or pushing hard to), supporting your team, solving problems, staying available, and keeping things moving. From the outside, it looks like you’re “doing great.”

But inside, it can feel like you’re leading on autopilot.

It reminds me of slipping into your favorite pair of jeans. You’ve loved them for years. They used to fit perfectly. But lately, they just don’t feel right. Nothing is wrong with the jeans, and nothing is wrong with you, but something has shifted.

That “off” feeling in leadership is common, especially for over-responsible women leaders in retail and sales, where the pressure never really turns off.

And here’s the important part:
That feeling isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal.

The “Off” Feeling Is Often a Sign of Growth, Not Failure

When leadership starts to feel “off,” it’s usually because you’re outgrowing the leadership approach that got you here.

Maybe you’ve been successful by:

• being the reliable one

• staying late and filling gaps

• carrying the emotional weight of the team

• being available for everyone

• fixing problems fast

That approach works, until it doesn’t.
Because eventually, over-responsibility turns into over-functioning… and that becomes burnout.

Sometimes the “off” feeling is your system saying:

• “I can’t keep doing it this way.”

• “This pace isn’t sustainable.”

• “I want to lead differently now.”

“Quiet Quitting” Doesn’t Only Happen at Work

We hear about “quiet quitting” in jobs, but leaders can quietly quit too, without realizing it.

Not by stopping performance, but by disconnecting from themselves:

• you lose the excitement

• your patience gets thinner

• small things irritate you more

• you feel heavy, even after a normal day

• you keep thinking, “Why does this feel so hard?”

It can look like success… but feel like exhaustion.

Let’s Get Specific: What’s Actually Feeling “Off”?

General discontent is hard to fix. Clarity changes everything.

Try these questions (leadership edition):

Tune into your leadership reality:

• When during your day do you feel most drained, tense, or irritable?

• What situations trigger overthinking (feedback, conflict, accountability, performance pressure)?

• Where are you over-responsible right now: results, people’s emotions, team performance, scheduling, problem-solving?

• What are you avoiding because it feels uncomfortable (a conversation, a boundary, a decision)?

• If you could change ONE thing about your leadership week, what would it be?

• What would “leading with calm” actually look like for you, day-to-day?

Look for the pattern:

The “off” feeling often points to one of these:

• You’re carrying more than your role requires

• Your boundaries are too flexible (or unclear)

• Your team has learned to rely on you instead of owning outcomes

• You’re stuck between being liked and holding standards

• You’re performing, but not feeling fulfilled

When we name the real pattern, you stop blaming yourself and start leading with intention.

A Simple Practice: 10 Minutes of Leadership Journaling

This isn’t about writing essays. It’s about noticing patterns.

For one week, write quick notes after work:

• What drained me today?

• What did I avoid?

• What did I carry that wasn’t mine?

• Where did I lead with calm confidence (even a little)?

• What’s one boundary I wish I had used today?

Review it at the end of the week. You’ll see your leadership “jeans” problem clearly, what’s too tight, what’s not working anymore, and what needs adjusting.

One Small Step You Can Take This Week

Choose one:

• Spend 10 minutes journaling using the prompts above

• Have one conversation you’ve been delaying (kind, clear, direct)

• Set one boundary around your availability or workload

• Delegate one task fully and don’t take it back

• Book a discovery call and get a simple plan for your next steps

You don’t need a full overhaul to feel better. You need clarity, and one aligned action.

Book a Discovery Call

If leadership has been feeling “off,” it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It usually means it’s time to lead in a way that’s more sustainable and more you.

Book a discovery call and we’ll map out what’s really going on, and what to shift next, so you can lead with calm confidence and hit targets without burning out.