Is Your Leadership “Out of Shape”? Understanding Your Inner Blueprint
Ever feel like you’re leading by an old set of rules in a brand new game?
What used to work, people-pleasing, over-delivering, staying available, being the one who fixes everything, now leads to frustration, exhaustion, and a constant feeling of being… behind.
Many of us carry an unconscious leadership blueprint, shaped by early experiences and reinforced by workplace expectations. Today, I want to explore that blueprint using a simple metaphor: the “shapes” of our leadership.
The Comfort of the Circle: Your Early Leadership Shape
Before you ever became a leader, you learned patterns about what keeps you safe and valued:
being helpful
being agreeable
being perfect
being responsible
not being “too much”
This is the circle shape, the part of you that wants harmony, approval, and certainty. It’s not bad. It’s often the reason you became successful: you care, you work hard, and you try to do things “right.”
In retail and sales, this circle shape often becomes:
“I’ll just handle it”
“I’ll stay late”
“I’ll cover the gap”
“I don’t want to disappoint anyone”
And it works… until the demands change.
The Shift: Entering Leadership’s Square
Then you step into leadership, and suddenly the world becomes a square.
The square represents:
structure and standards
performance expectations
accountability conversations
team dynamics
constant prioritization
boundaries around time and energy
In leadership, it’s not just about being liked. It’s about being clear.
Not just about being helpful. It’s about building ownership.
And that’s where the friction begins.
The Clash: When Your Inner Circle Meets the Outer Square
Here’s the clash I see in over-responsible women leaders:
Your “circle” patterns (approval, harmony, rescuing) try to operate inside a “square” leadership reality (structure, accountability, boundaries).
It can show up like this:
1) You feel irritated when people “should just know”
You find yourself thinking:
“They should get it by now.”
“Why do I have to explain everything?”
Often, what’s really happening is the square needs systems and clarity, but the circle wants things to be smooth and effortless.
2) You’re exhausted from meeting everyone’s needs
You say yes too often. You stay available. You carry emotional weight that isn’t yours.
The circle wants to be supportive. The square requires boundaries to protect performance.
3) You feel misaligned, like you’re forcing yourself into a role
You can be high-performing and still feel off:
“I’m doing everything right, why does it feel so heavy?”
Because your leadership shape hasn’t evolved to match your reality.
And no, there’s nothing “wrong” with you.
This is a natural part of growth, but most leaders are never taught how to make this shift, so they burn out.
The Invitation: It’s Not About Losing Your Circle
This isn’t about becoming cold, rigid, or harsh.
It’s about evolving your leadership shape so you can lead with emotional intelligence and strong standards.
That evolution looks like:
Awareness
Recognizing which “circle” patterns no longer serve you:
people-pleasing
over-functioning
avoiding conflict
tying worth to approval
carrying everything alone
Adaptation
Building “square” leadership skills:
clear expectations
boundaries without guilt
consistent accountability
effective delegation
confident decision-making under pressure
Integration
Keeping the best of both:
circle strengths: empathy, care, connection
square strengths: structure, standards, clarity
So you become a leader who is warm and direct, supportive and firm.
How Leadership Coaching Helps You Reshape Your Approach
This is exactly where I partner with women leaders in retail and sales.
Together, we can:
identify your “circle” patterns (where you over-carry, overthink, or avoid)
clarify what your leadership role is truly asking of you now
build square-compatible strategies: boundaries, delegation, accountability
strengthen emotional regulation under pressure
help you lead with calm confidence while still driving results
You don’t have to keep forcing a leadership style that’s burning you out.
What Shape Is Your Leadership Right Now?
Take a moment to reflect:
Where do you feel the most friction: boundaries, accountability, delegation, confidence, or team ownership?
Where are you over-responsible right now?
What do you keep doing “for the team” that your team needs to learn to own?
That awareness is the beginning of burnout-proof leadership.
Book a Discovery Call
If you’re ready to lead with calm confidence, set boundaries without guilt, and build a high-performing team that takes ownership, I’d love to support you.
Book a discovery call and we’ll map out what’s “out of shape” right now, and what to shift next.
