Is Your Life "Out of Shape"? Understanding Your Inner Blueprint
Ever feel like you're playing by an old set of rules in a brand new game? Like what used to work for you, what used to feel natural, now just leads to frustration or a sense of being… stuck?
Many of us carry an unconscious blueprint for how life should feel, often shaped by our earliest experiences. It’s a powerful idea, and today I want to explore it using a simple but profound metaphor: the shapes of our lives.
The Comfort of the Circle: Our First Life Shape
Think back to childhood. For many, life felt like a perfect circle. You were at the center. The world, in many ways, revolved around your needs, your happiness, your growth. Parents, caregivers, and your environment were geared towards nurturing you, ensuring you felt loved, safe, and accepted.
This "circle" phase is essential. It's where we build our sense of self-worth, learn that our needs matter, and develop a baseline of trust. We absorb the world from a perspective of receiving, of being the focus. And with this understanding, we step forward.
The Shift: Entering Adulthood's Square
Then comes adulthood. And slowly, or sometimes quite suddenly, the landscape changes. Life starts to feel less like a circle and more like a square.
The "square" represents structure, responsibility, and often, a new set of defined edges and corners. Suddenly, it's not just about our needs. We have careers, partnerships, perhaps children, community roles, financial obligations. The focus shifts from primarily receiving to actively giving, providing, and contributing. We become a cornerstone for others, a part of a larger, more complex structure.
The Clash: When Your Inner Circle Meets the Outer Square
Here's where the friction often begins.
Your inner "circle self"—the part of you that learned to be the center, that expects needs to be met in a certain way—is now trying to operate in a "square world."
Do you ever feel a deep-seated frustration when things don't revolve around your immediate desires? (For instance, feeling intensely irritated when your carefully planned quiet evening gets unexpectedly interrupted by a partner's urgent need or a child's demand, as if a fundamental right has been violated.)
Do you find yourself exhausted from trying to meet everyone else's needs, forgetting that your "circle self" still needs tending? (Perhaps you consistently say 'yes' to every request at work and every family obligation, leaving you with no energy for your own hobbies or even basic rest, feeling depleted and resentful.)
Do you feel misunderstood or out of sync with the demands of your adult life, almost like you’re trying to jam that round peg into a square hole? (For instance, you might be excelling in a demanding career that ticks all the "success" boxes, yet you frequently feel like you're just playing a part, exhausted by trying to fit into a mold that doesn't align with your core values or what genuinely makes you feel alive.)
That’s the clash. It's your old programming, your 'circle' operating system, trying to run the complex applications of your 'square' adult life. And, as you've likely experienced, a circle simply doesn't fit neatly into a square. This feeling of deep misalignment, of being 'out of shape' with your own life, isn't uncommon and can surface at any age—whether you're in your 20s navigating early career choices, your 30s juggling new family dynamics, or your 40s and 50s reassessing your path. The strategies that worked beautifully in childhood can lead to stress and burnout in adulthood.
The Invitation to Transform: It’s Not About Losing Your Circle
If this resonates, please know you're not alone. This isn't about something being "wrong" with you. It's about recognizing a natural, yet often unguided, part of human development. The challenge—and the incredible opportunity—is to undertake an inner transformation.
This doesn't mean abandoning the gifts of your "circle" phase. That sense of self-worth and the ability to recognize your own needs are vital! Instead, it's about:
Awareness: Recognizing which "circle" tendencies no longer serve you in your "square" reality.
Adaptation: Developing new skills, perspectives, and ways of being that align with adult responsibilities and relationships.
Integration: Learning to consciously access the strengths of your "circle" self (like self-care and honoring your value) while embracing the capabilities required by the "square" (like resilience, empathy for others' needs, and managing complex responsibilities).
This is about evolving your inner shape to match your current life, allowing you to navigate its corners and edges with more grace and effectiveness.
How Transformational Coaching Can Help You Reshape Your Approach
Navigating this shift from a "circle" to a "square" footing isn't always intuitive. It often requires a conscious look inward, a willingness to question old patterns, and support in building new ones.
As a transformational coach, this is precisely where I partner with you. Together, we can:
Identify your unique "circle" patterns: Understand how your early experiences shaped your current approach to life, relationships, and challenges.
Clarify the demands of your "square": Get clear on what your current life is asking of you and where the misalignments are occurring.
Develop new "square-compatible" strategies: Cultivate emotional maturity, effective communication, boundary setting, and the ability to balance your needs with the needs of others.
Build resilience: Learn to navigate the "sharp corners" of adulthood with greater confidence and less stress.
Integrate your whole self: Create a more harmonious relationship between your inner desires and your outer reality, so you feel authentic and empowered.
You don't have to keep pushing that circle into a square hole. There's a way to adapt, grow, and find a sense of rightness in your current stage of life, and perhaps even glimpse the new shapes your life might take in the future (a multifaceted polygon, perhaps, or a wise spiral?).
What Shape is Your Life Right Now?
Take a moment to reflect:
Can you feel the echo of your "circle" self in your daily life? (e.g., feeling deeply disappointed when your partner doesn't just know you needed a quiet evening after a stressful workday without you having to explicitly ask, or feeling that unexpected wave of frustration when someone on your team doesn't instantly understand all the tricky parts of a project you're managing, and your first thought is 'they should just know this,' rather than wondering if you could have explained it better.)
Are you feeling the pressures of the "square"? (e.g., that feeling on a Sunday night when you're mentally running through a packed work week with looming project deadlines, while also trying to remember who needs to be picked up from soccer practice, what groceries are needed for the week, and when you'll find time to prepare for that important presentation.)
Where do you notice the most friction? (e.g., that internal (or external!) battle when you’ve finally carved out an hour to read your book or go for a run, only for an urgent work email to land demanding immediate attention, or a child suddenly needs help with a school project, leaving you feeling torn and resentful.)
If you're feeling the strain of an outdated "life shape" and are ready to consciously design your next chapter with more ease, clarity, and purpose, so that you can confidently step into that leadership role or launch that new initiative at work, while simultaneously creating the space to savor the joy in everyday family moments and feel truly present with your children (instead of just rushing through a to-do list), and still have the energy and presence to truly connect with your partner at the end of the day, I invite you to reach out. Let's explore how transformational coaching will support your journey.
